Second Monday of Spring semester. It’s snowing, and for some
reason I think that’s significant. Mondays are going to be pretty easy for me
this semester (sorry to those of you who actually have normal schedules), but
this morning was rather…stressful. For my Ethics of Development class today, we
read an article on US aid (from USAID, of course)to Nepal for health/medical
care in 2002 or so that focused on abortion—do the Nepalese agree to the terms
nixing abortion (legally) to get the full $400k+ or disagree and take the
$200k+ cut? While the answer was pretty straight forward to me in theory (i.e.
on the Moodle discussion forum), in practice (class) I was shakin’ in my boots
to say a word to an audience of nonbelievers, albeit “good” and intelligent
people. But I did. Mostly because my professor asked me point blank to voice
the opinions I had stated on the forum (which my classmates failed to read
because of some sort of as-of-yet-unidentified computer/internet error), but
still I spoke, and even though no one chastised me for my opinions, it was
probably the single most terrifying thing I’ve done in a long time. That might
surprise you, but I think it’s true.
So how does this relate? Well, as you might imagine, I felt
extremely convicted. Why was it so hard to share in an environment that was
genuinely not hostile? I had made most of it up in my head. I mean, the silence
as I spoke was deafening (and awkward, for me at least), but it was civil. That’s
when I realized that I can do this. That all the things I want and need to say
will get said, but only if I take the initiative. In Rwanda, I think I learned
this when I spoke in tongues for the first time (and may or may not have said “I
want to speak” in two different languages that did not immediately register in
my brain). I want to speak, I can speak, I should speak, I will speak. Rwanda
changed me, and I know that greater things are yet to come, greater things are
still to be done—on this campus, in this country, on this Earth.
As for me, I will serve the Lord.
God bless.
