Probably not. But I only put off this post because I knew I had some really good stuff to say and I wanted to say it right. (Now, of course, I still don't think I'm going to get it all right but at least I'll get it out. Maybe I'll edit it later. But probably not much.)
Anyway.
So there I was, on Tuesday, August 14th, in the middle of the chapter on the seventh beatitude from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount ("Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God," Matt. 5:9) in Heidi Baker's book, Compelled by Love, when I get a call from one of my ex-boyfriends. And by "in the middle," I mean I had stopped reading in the middle of the chapter on my lunch break at work, and when I got out of my doctor appointment that afternoon, I had a new voice mail from "somebody that I used to know" (Gotye reference completely necessary). It was a fairly big surprise, honestly, but I found I was strangely happy about it, and I called him back on the drive home. He was a bit busy with college prep stuff (as I now I am), so he said he'd call back after dinner. I still didn't know what the conversation was going to be about, but again I was oddly optimistic.
So he calls me back. After a bit of 'oh, how's your summer been' small talk (I haven't seen the guy in just over a year), he launches into probably a half-hour-long speech (not atypical of him, though that is not to his discredit) of 'I'm tired of hating your guts,' essentially, which finally turned into an apology. As harsh as the first part sounds, I knew what he meant; it's exhausting to harbor so much ill-will against a person, however deep the sentiment is buried.
Now I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a huge relief to hear all those words, but what caught me was his explanation of what spurred this reconciliation on. He was packing for college, of course, and he came across some old memorabilia from me, along with, I think, a program or something for a funeral of the parents of two of our mutual friends, when he recalled a sermon, I believe, on peacemaking. Again I was glad to hear that his inspiration to start our relationship anew (just as friends) came from God, but it was only after I got off the phone with him (we talked for almost an hour, without arguing!) that I remembered I had been reading about peacemaking earlier that day. I smiled to myself. There is no such thing as "coincidence."
But the correlations made between what I read and real-life occurrences this week don't stop there. (Good grammar there, English major. Oh yeah.) At work the day before (or maybe that morning, I don't remember), a man probably in his late forties, early fifties made a purchase of almost $200 at my register, and was bitterly angered that I had the nerve to ask him for his ID when he handed me his credit card. I calmly explained to him that there was no way for us (implying the store/company and all its employees) to confirm that the name on the card was his unless I saw his picture ID; otherwise, there could be liabilities to our store for fraud. Quietly seething, the man took his card back, handed me two hundred dollar bills and said, "I'd buy a lot more here if not for that [standard]," to which I replied, "I'm sorry to hear that, but we have no way of identifying you as the card holder." From there, the conversation was actually quite civil, as I sent him on his way with a "have a good day," which he returned. My heart was hammering in my chest--from fear or power, I have no idea--as I greeted my next customer, but I felt good. I thought, Hm, I handled that pretty well (considering that hard-headedness seems to run in my family). Later, after I had the phone call with my friend (I can call him that again, thank God) and finished the chapter on peacemaking, I remembered the incident and thought, Thank you Jesus for teaching me what it means to turn the other cheek. My belligerent customer felt the need to attack me directly for a policy I did not institute (though I do support it), but by returning it with civility without discrimination, we avoided what could have been a serious bruise to both of our egos, at best, and a nasty shouting match (plus poor store reviews) at worst.
Maybe this doesn't seem like much, but I have one more (related) situation to report. Although I did not read this in the same chapter ("Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness"), I came across a statement which, while seemingly obvious to some, is nonetheless a very important fact: "There is no inherent value in persecution for its own sake, but there can be a blessing through it." Then in the whole chapter, Baker goes on to describe joy in suffering. While I still find this hard to wrap my head around, I am brought back into Rwanda during that quiet moment when I finally lay down in my feverish state and began to praise God, whisper-singing to Him and thinking, "This is what Karen was talking about. This is what it means to suffer, and have joy." Even then, I knew it didn't make any sense. All I knew was that I was happy, that God loves me more than I have, and maybe can ever love Him. Even in my sickness, my one fear, I found joy. And it was beautiful. So as far as making peace with yourself goes, I think that event is a good example.
Like I said, I'm sure I didn't say all I could have, but let me just give a shout out to the new friend I made at work just a week ago who lent me the book that has so affected my life (though I won't name names). While I didn't agree with everything she (Heidi Baker) claims in Compelled by Love, and I still have some lingering questions, there is no doubt in my mind that God put this guy in my life to give me that book, at the very least; if there is anything beyond that...we shall see.
In the mean time, thank you all for being with me and do await another post soon on returning to college, running, and (ideally) a life lived purely.
God bless.
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